Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Mom said you looked used
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
