Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
