the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
