So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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