If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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