Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
