??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
