I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
