You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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