We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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