party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
