Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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