forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
