So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
