I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
