I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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