We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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