We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
