Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
