filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
