You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the day after is always just damage control
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
