So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
