Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
