I heard we made out
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize