i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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