DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
