Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
