She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
