it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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