do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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