Christians are straight up FREAKS
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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