My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize