The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
