Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
