that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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