Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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