Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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