Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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