You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
