He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
