Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
