I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
