i can't believe i had my finger in that
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize