His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
