Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
