i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
