there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
