Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
