The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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