Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
