We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
