I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
