His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My vagina is very pro this idea
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
