I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
