I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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