i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
