I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
