i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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