She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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