An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
