fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
