What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
