Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
