Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
