Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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