I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
