So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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