i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
