Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
