His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
