Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
