you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
