We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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