she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
