I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
