And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
