i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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