last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
