My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I think I died a long time ago.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
