I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
