Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize