Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
