I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
