He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
