5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
