i need an iv and a liver transplant
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
