I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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