if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
