I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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