Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize