I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
