I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize