You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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