I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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