blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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