I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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