when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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