Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
