You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
