oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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