So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
being pregnant is like rehab
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
